Posts Tagged ‘marketing’

Sink more money into that bitch

October 15, 2008 3 comments

(or where I pontificate on sink design and how it pertains to making money like water on the internet)

Underdogblogger's Sink

Underdogblogger's Sink

Stick with it……This is my bathroom sink. I hate cleaning it. And I’ll tell you why. See, my bathroom sink has a design floor in it. There is a spot in front of the plughole that seems to pool water. More importantly, when I’m cleaning my bathroom, this spot pools dirt infested water. See, I live in London. We have very hard water here. Limescale is the enemy! And to effectively remove limescale without using industrial strength bleach and other nasty chemicals…..which I really prefer to keep out of my household as much as possible, you have to apply a little elbow grease.

Underdogblogger's Sink With Debris Arrow

Oh, how you taunt me you debris collecting area

I’m not afraid of mucking in. I’m not afraid of scrubbing a little. I think it builds a bit of character. I mean – I don’t trust anyone who isn’t at least prepared to clean up their own shit. So I use one of those little scourers to clean my bathroom. A nice eco-friendly cleaning solution (take your pick) and a little bit of scrubbing with the scourer takes the limescale right off. Problem is, little bits of limescale and scourer debris form and pool right in front of the plughole.  Yep – right there – lookit right where the green arrow is pointing. It’s a pain to wash down the plughole. You have to sort of push it with your hand or sponge to encourage those little devils into the waste pipe. That isn’t how it should be. It’s a sink…by definition, water (well anything liquid really) should just roll downwards into the waste pipe. I know the debris are composed of little bits of solid, but they should be carried by the water…..they aren’t that heavy.

Stick with it, this post gets better….
So, there’s a design floor in my sink. Bad! I don’t like it. I went looking for a new one, ’cause these little things do bug me. But you know what. I couldn’t find anywhere that actually had a working model for me to test. Nowhere in my local bathroom specialist shop (erm ok, Wickes and B&Q) could I test a working bathroom sink. Sure, they look pretty. But they don’t have running water plumbed in. How can I test them? How can I see if they are better than mine? I think this is a fundamental floor in bathroom sales. They should have a few different sinks plumbed in, and give you the option of running your routine on them to test them out. You know, brush your teeth – check the toothpaste is properly propelled down the hole by the force of the water. Do a little cleaning, make sure it scrubs up nice and that the debris are propelled down the plughole. That would be cool. I could get behind that. Heck, I would have bought a new sink if I found one that worked! But no. All I find are various dry, though very sparkly looking bathroom sinks, just waiting to be swapped for cash. Hmph…not impressed.

Now water flow is very difficult to model. And I expect your average budget sink is not designed with complex water flow models on a CAD system. I expect they are made in a roughly pleasing looking shape that basically tapers towards the plughole. So I’m on the lookout for the most sharply contoured sink I can find. That should do it.  That should sink the damn debris.  Oh-hohohoho.  C’mon not even a small chuckle?  Geez, lighten up.

Stick with it……

The very notion that you can make money online by purchasing a product which you cannot test out is the same….erm ok, not the same, but take a small leap of faith. All the products look shiny, just like the sinks. They all look like they will help funnel piles of income towards your wallet much like the sink looks like it should funnel whatever is thrown into it down the plughole. But, internet traffic is like water; pretty tricky to model, pretty tricky to predict. So the system cannot be foolproof. Imagine what it would be like if the pros took an about turn and started allowing you to test the methods before you paid up, much like I want to test out some sinks before I hand over my dosh.


Stick with it………

There’s an interesting thought. Do you think they would still be wallowing in money? I’m not so sure myself. I suspect, much like my sink, much of what is out there would do nothing more than trap money tantelisingly close to your wallet, but not actually in it, much like my sink traps debris oh-so-close to the plughole, but doesn’t actually deliver the final push. See, the sink is like the search engine….the water represents internet traffic and the tap – erm the tap is the spark of life that makes these people exist and by pure serendipitous circumstance sit on their pc looking for your webpage…nevermind, the tap isn’t important….Let’s consider the golden egg of internet marketing – organic search traffic. You want the tap to open, traffic to flow into the sink of the internet and be funnelled into the plughole that is your webpage. Yes! No! Wait – I’m not saying your webpage is a plughole or in any way shape or form equivalent to a sewage transport mechanism. But yes, you want that traffic like water flowing into your plughole-like webpage. What you don’t want is for the traffic to get stuck, the debris to sit there, next to your plughole-like webpage, but not actually in it (can you be in a webpage?). Now whether we are selling a product ourselves, affiliate marketing a product or relying on adsense, organic search traffic will be our golden egg. Crack that little bugger and you will have golden omelets forever. Social traffic is nice – the community is cool, the people are fun, but they ain’t gonna make you rich. Well I suppose they might if you build up enough trust and rapport with them and then flog them something. But then it would have to be of real value – well it would for me. I wouldn’t want to sell some crap to my friends, even if they are only virtual buddies. I’m not saying all internet marketers would sell their grandmother, but it is the sort of industry where your morals can quickly slide out from under you. If you dabble in selling a weight loss product you don’t believe in, or a method you don’t follow, or some dating site with a webpage that preys on people’s fear of being alone, then your morals are on perched on top of a banana on a tiled floor, and getting heavier by the minute….pretty soon; morals; flat on back. Anyhoo, back to the old sink and plughole. Given that we want organic search traffic, what products or courses should I purchase? The ones that could teach how to get organic search traffic.

Stick with it…..

Consider that piece of software or that ebook you are buying. Is it the most sharply contoured method that will have traffic and money flowing into your pocket almost as quickly as water flows into the plughole? Is it my ideal sink? Or will it simply take your money and leave the traffic sitting in a puddle, much like my sink takes leaves my cleaning debris? So much of this industry is funded by continually placing fear into people’s minds. Making them believe that they are only one more secret away from being an internet millionaire.

But then, I’m not making millions flogging another ebook you don’t need. So I don’t really know what I’m talking about 🙂

I do know though, that bathroom sink design needs to be re-thought. Maybe I should do away with the sink and just have a big pipe. I don’t really ever run water into my bathroom sink anyway. Its only job is to catch my toothpaste when I spit and get a little dirty every week so that I have to clean it, and go about my struggle of washing down the debris.  At what point will the sink of the internet become the plughole?  When will the search engine be the internet?  Maybe I should be the search engine.

Now while I’m on the subject of water. Here’s something bizarre. I don’t really get modern art. Kind of like I don’t get freeform atonal jazz. I just miss the point. But there is this artist who placed an istallation in a museum shop. The piece? A bucket of water. ” Wow” you say?  “Deep” you say?  “Symbolic” you say? Here is the bizzare…to get the water into the bucket, he employed a plumber to run a pipe from the nearest bathroom to the shop, filled the bucket from the pipe and then had the plumber remove the piping again so there was no trace of the bucket filling. Hmmmmmm. Much like the relationship of this anecdote to the rest of this post about making money like water, I just don’t get it. I told you, I know some strange stuff.

Now, try not to use the phrase “Stick with it” in conversation today….. 🙂


The best free way to easy make money online

September 30, 2008 Leave a comment

(or where I tell you why every internet marketer should fall in love with

As an internet stallwart, you don’t get much better than blogger.  Floating around the net for many years, it spawned a revolution in the way we approach site building.  It’s also one of the best practical resources you will ever find.  We have a practically unlimited resource at our fingertips to test out campaigns for free.  The bain of every internet marketer’s life is doing keyword research, purchasing a domain and then finding that after a while, the funds just don’t roll in.  Blogger lets you test your stuff out before splashing out on a domain.  It’s freeeeeeeee.  freeeeeeee free!  And I like free resources.  So should you.  What can be better than getting paid without operating costs?  Nothing!  free blogger blogs can be set up in a matter of minutes and you can whip up pages on any topic you like….

(ahh fuck it.  If you’ve read this far, I’m not going to carry on with this boring old post – why write for the sake of it?  why read for the sake of it?  it isn’t worth your time.  It isn’t worth my time.  I was going to write a very different post today, but I thought “noo, I can’t write that….what will people think of me”, so I thought “what should I write about”… I thought “I know, I’ll write about how to test ideas out with blogger….much more mundane, much safer, much less likely to offend”.  Fuck it.  I’m going to drop you a lesson in human psychology.  And some of you will be offended.  Some of you will never read my blog again after this.  Some of you will though.  Twisted bunch…the lot of you. 🙂

Copy.  Content.  Articles.  That’s what we all need for our sites right?  Writing articles is a pain in the bum-bum.  Writing quality articles is even more of a pain.  But articles are mandatory for any niche endevour.  I mean it’s almost a formula now – find niche, start blog, write blog content, write articles, submit articles to article websites, get rank, get arganic search results, get traffic, get money.  The only thing stopping me or you from having the largest blog empire on the plannet is our ability to churn out words.  Sollutions are around – you can purchase yourself an article writing product……you could Tim Ferris it and outsource your article writing to someone else…..or a team of someone elses…….you could get yourself a research license and sit a bunch of monkeys in front of a bunch of computers and wait until they bang out some Shakespeare for you.  All of these cost money.  Well the monkeys cost bananas I suppose, but still, bananas cost money, and given that you have to wait infinite amount of time for said shakespearean missive, you’re gonna need some big venture capital for this puppy.  Anyone know a venture capitalist that would actually entertain such an experiment?  No?  Damn!  I know, I know – it’s the cost of those damn monkey experiment licenses isn’t it?  I knew it.  You mean to say they are more usefull in experimental cancer and AIDS drug research?  Oh.   Ok.  Fair enough.  I suppose world health is more important than my bank ballance.

Nonononononono.  Is there an easier way?  Could you get a bunch of people to write for you, for free?  I think so.  I rekon Avon Blake is gonna get that.  Heck, I’m even thinking about writing for his project.  I don’t know if he is planning to monetise his invasionofthezlistbloggers blog, but I think there will be enough people writing content on it for it to get good organic traffic…..could be a gold mine for him.  See you can get people to write for you for free.  I’m tangenting again.  Back we come to the circle.  Ok.  If you are squeamish, or have high morals, look away now.  If you don’t like anything that borders on the risque, or if you are one of those prudes who doesn’t think the “adult” internet exists, browse away.  I mean it, what I’m about to write is pretty shady, pretty much underbelly of marketing and it ventures a little bit into an adult oriented market.  Ok, it ventures a lot into it.  It takes advantage of people no doubt.  But in a way, it offers something back to them.  Before we go on, I must say, I don’t do this.  I thought up the idea when I was drunk one night, after reading too many blogs about making easy money online.  Then, I ran an experiment to see if it actually works.  And it did.  I had several people writing me reasonable quality articles on any subject I chose, for free.  And then my damn morals got in the way.  Seems I’m not a total bastard.  Still maybe someone out there can use the technique, and what the hell, every blog needs to have one decent (or in this case indecent) free tip on it right?  Right!  This is mine.   I don’t know if anybody else has attempted this – I would be extremely surprised if I were the only one to think of it…….

Still here?  Not going to be offended?  Don’t say I didn’t warn you – I don’t want to hear about how evil this is or how immoral it is because you may as well direct that shit to every marketer out there – if you think you don’t have psychology used on you on a daily basis on TV, radio, internet, billboard advertising, you dellude  yourself.  Last chance to go………..Ok……..There is a scene in which people indulge in what might be called submissive behaviour.  To these individuals, there is nothing they like more than serving someone else.  It’s often sexual.  But it isn’t always about sex.  Now say, for argument’s sake, someone were to create a persona, as we all do if we market a product.  Split their personality to create a dominant alter ego.  Say this alter ego used some message boards and free ad facilities or even dating websites to post an ad.  Say the ad clearly states that what is being sought is an online BDSM relationship with themselves as the top.  Say they get a response.  Say that after a few emails, it is agreed upon that the form of submission is to research and write about whatever dominant alter ego asks for.  Say non-dominant side agrees.  Saaaaaay……you’ve got yourself one monkey.  No need for infinity or bananas.  Rinse, repeat.  Get two monkeys.  Rinse, repeat.  Get three monkeys.  The monkeys are endless.  The monkeys are in fact infinity.

Now imagine if your alter ego were a dominatrix.  Do you know how many responses you get from men if you are female and post an advert that is even vaguely kinky…..even if you explicitly point out there will be no sex, no meetings, no phone calls, no webcams, only email?  Lemme tell you, it ain’t pretty.  Not that I’ve tried pretending to be female online or anything just for the purposes of an experiment into the human psyche.  Naaaa, I got my sister to do it :-0

Now lets not kid.  This is exploitative.   And it borders on disturbed.  But the BDSM sector of society is there;  not that it’s any of your business but I’m not a part of it……though any lovely looking internet-savvy young ladies feel free to contact me with offers of obedience – it does my ego good you know ;).  And I did warn you.  And this does work.  And you could have a blog empire in no time with some carefully chosen and targetted adverts.   And you heard it here first.  And I’m too nice a guy to do it myself.

And that’s the best tip you will read on how to make easy money online on the internet today!)

…..and that’s why I love blogger 🙂