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Crunch

October 8, 2008 1 comment

(or where I tell you how to Recession-Proof your blog)

It is time to stop pussy footing around the recession.  We are in full on credit crunch scare mode.  Newspapers, TV, Radio, Internet; every form of public media has been rallied to fuel the fear of us all becoming poor, destitute, homeless, unemployed, miserable fuckers.  Lovely.  Depression is sure to set in, simply because we now expect it to.  Money is tight, simply because we now expect it to be so.  So since you cannot get a loan to save your life these days, it is a good idea to take stock and ensure your physical and virtual assets are recession proof!  (can you say link bait? mwahahahaha)

Don’t kid yourself, your blog is an asset.  One of the ones that I expect you will spend a lot more time with now that you can’t afford to go out and get blind drunk in the hippest vodka bar.  But what happens to the internet in a crisis?  Do people stop clicking search results?  Will they stop commenting on your blog?  Will they sink into an inconsolable funk and not even turn on their computer?  Can you influence them to turn on and surf over to your blog with the power of your mind alone?  And more to the point, how can make sure your blog does not suffer during the credit crunch?  What are the simplest steps you can take to make sure your blog is recession proof?  In reverse order:

5) Take frequent backups – as the credit crunch bites into tech companies and the cheaper hosting companies begin to fold like a pack of cards, make sure you have your nightly backup so you can bring your site up on a new host double time (and since when the crunch really hits, we will all be unemployed, you may as well

4) Who has the fairest data of all?  Mirror your blogs!  Wow – never thought of that did ya?  I think everyone should mirror their blog right now!  The mythical duplicate content penalisation is the least of your worries as electricity bills soar and hosting companies institute a time sharing rota – don’t be surprised if your host decides to only switch on their servers for a few hours a day in order to save on electricity! 🙂

3) Neither a borrower or a lender be (except in times of crisis).  Use some of your adsense income to set up a loan shark company.  Well credit is hard to come by at the moment, but those of you making a tidy profit from your blogs can now diversify, by offering unsecured loans.  This could be a fantastic way to become a total bastard and scoop up some property when your borrowers eventually default on their payments (as they most surely will because they are not savvy enough to be blogging for moolah).  Be sure to hire some heavies to do your debt collection.

2) Diversify your interest – invest in soft commodities like a bank’s domain name.  I mean banks are folding and threatening to fold left right and centre, but their domain names generally have beautiful page rank and great backlinks.  Snap up a bargain today – make them an offer, I hear they need the money 🙂

1) Build your backlinks.  A website can never have too many.

0) Hit the governemnt up for a bail-out package.  Heck, the internet is only slightly less virtual an environment than the entire banking system; governments seem to bail out the banks, maybe they will give you a little cash injection to keep you sweet (how about it Gordon?  I’m cheaper than the banking system – I mean I reckon 50 million would do me, that’s a bargain given the 50 billion you’ve got to steal from the tax payers to bail out the fuck up the banks made)

-1) Dominate some recession-proof niches.  Think about it, what are people going to be doing during a recession?  Looking for part time work, looking for frugal living and money saving ideas, looking for porn (let’s face it it is probably recession-proof)  Look for Giffen goods – those that violate the law of demand – to promote in affiliate schemes. (Yes, I know that Giffen goods are thought of as a micro-economic embarrasment, but they are in the cannon of work now so just fucking live with it).

-2) Make sure your TLD is not .is – I hear Iceland are going bankrupt and you wanna get out before that ship sinks……… 😉  O wait, you’ve missed the boat er i mean gone down with the ship already.

-3) Stop stealing money from your nan……pensions are practically worthless with the current downturn in economic climate.

-4) Get your SEO in order.  Don’t follow my SEO Suicide tactics of not putting my keywords in my blog-titles.

So there you have it many lots of ideas on keeping your blog recession-proof.  I think negative numbers get a raw deal in internet lists, so I’ve thrown a few in there just to help them out, be thank full I didn’t start on the imaginary numbers like eleventeen or all the money in the banking system.