Only one flush away from civilisation as we know crumbling
(or where I divulge my disgust at NOT FLUSHING!)
Oh, I know I’m fond of my analogies, and what better analogy for the whole slimy industry of internet marketing and make money online entrepreneurs who try to hustle a buck online than the unmentionable, unspeakable business of sewage.
My analogy engine is a bit rusty today, so I’m going to take a few minutes out of my busy schedule of informing the world at large how to make money online for free and discourse on flushing the toilet.
Yes. Flushing the toilet.
See, my day job has me working in a building. It’s not too big, but big enough for there to be more people than I can count on the fingers of my hands. Okay so it would take rather a lot of carbon cloned copies of me to count all the people in the building on the fingers of our collective hands….even if me and my copies had 6 fingers ala Hound Dog Taylor. Now the thing is, I really don’t understand why when you reach a critical mass of people, they start treating the sanitary facilities as some sort of shithole. I realise with a fair throughput of people that toilets can take a bit of a battering, but geez, why on earth would you purposefully treat it like some dark alleyway that you’ve drunkenly wandered into late one night (or in fact early one morning) to soil with your excrement? Why?
I’ve worked at smaller offices, with fewer people, and the toilets there are usually held with an amount of respect. People don’t randomly pee on the floor or “forget” to turn off the taps when everyone knows everyone else by name. There must be something in anonymity that makes people behave like asshalves.
Seriously, something about having more people than you know by name in a building makes the toilets fair game for people being on their worst behaviour. And it isn’t cool. It isn’t cool to wonder into a cubicle, drop a huge diarrhetic poo and then steal away without flushing!!!
I’m not kidding. What the fuck? Man! Not like it was an isolated incident either. This happens regularly. It really is disgusting. Not to mention rude. Nobody would do that in someone else’s house. I mean nobody. What, are you afraid you’re going to contract some sort of disease from the handle? I don’t know, I just don’t know. Maybe you should take a look at your diet as well. It’s not normal to excrete like that on a regular basis. Soft stools can be an indication of something seriously wrong with you. Go to the doctor…..or at the very least, eat a truckload of matzos to help constipate you up a little and save us having to witness the inner contents of your malfunctioning bowels.
I don’t know how they train dogs these days, but I remember when I was growing up that one method of house training the little pups was to rub their nose in their “business” if they happened to have an accident in the house. I don’t condone that sort of thing on animals, but among the more (theoretically) evolved animals (i.e. humans), I think a little nose in the shit would really solve a lot of problems in society. While I’m on the subject, guys, I know it can be a minor matter of ego, but the one time you really want to be a realist is when you are taking a leak. You were not endowed with a nine foot monster. If you were, you wouldn’t be working here, because sure as hell porn pays better. So stand close enough to the toilet that you actually get your urine in the bowl and not on the floor. Contrary to popular belief, there is no webcam in the loo that the ladies use to scope out their next shag based on how far from the toilet he stands. Seriously.
When the water-born sanitation goes up the spout, western civilisation will lose it. Big time.