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Archive for November, 2008

What is your blog’s theme tune

November 28, 2008 2 comments

(or where I try for the worst blog title in the world)

Sinking to a new low, I’ve decided to enter the competition for the worst blog title ever.  And coupled with it, the worst blog post ever.  Where do I sign up?  Seriously, I’ve seen so many bad, clichéd, rehashed posts in the blogging about blogging or make money online blogs that there must be a competition somewhere.

Hey now, be thankful I didn’t go with “Is your blog a ducker or a Diva”.  Oh man.  That was funny.  Even though I say so myself.  Even though you have to pronounce Diva wrong.  Oh.  C’mon, not even a chuckle?  Where’s the humour, where’s the love?  Maybe you didn’t get it.

So, seriously, when is everyone going to pull finger and stop just copying shit.  God, it gets so boring watching the same rubbish come round again and again and again.  Bad analogies here, terrible metaphors there, and stupid lists to try and get Digg on your arse?  Ptha! Yeauch.  C’mon, our blogs are meant to give insight, advice, ideas, inspiration.

Complete long term success from blogging can only come from being honest, not trying to shift snake oil.  Offer good advice and a better product, get some good targeted traffic and you will be successful.  You don’t have to stoop to being a second rate huckster in a stupid polyester suit with a daft pink tie to make you look the business.  Sell something you believe in.  Stop affiliating crap.  Stop writing crap.  Or at least, stop writing what everyone else is writing.

You know the sad thing I’ve noticed – posts that get the most comments on people’s blogs are the rubbish posts, the ones that pander to your ego, the ones that say “hey are you part of the cool club?”, “of course you are”.  The ones that get the least comments are the ones that give rock solid advice or ideas.

Oh well, can’t beat ’em, join ’em eh?  Let’s see how this post could be if we did.

What is your blog’s theme tune?

If your blog had a theme tune, what would it be?  Are you wallowing in the depths of self pity standing at the back of the club, dressed in black, shoulders stooped, head down mumbling the oh-so-meaningful words to Mother by Lennon?  Or are you up in the front, in your face banging out a “work hard play hard” attitude song like “We will rock you” with your fists raised in the air, jumping up and down like you’re about to make your millions?

See, your blog readers will respond to your blog like they would to your theme tune.  If it’s all down and out and mopey and sad, do you think that your readers are going be revved up to buy your shit?  (Shut up in the back, that was rhetorical you f’ing heckler……) Where was I (shuffle notes um um oh yes) No!  they won’t buy a thing.  They won’t buy squat and your blog will sink to the bottom of the pile.  You will fail.  YOU will be a loser.

But, if your blog has the attitude of a blood boiling rock tune, you readers will feed off that.  They will know you are the man!  they will reward you with their loyalty and adoration.  They will want to be you.  They will buy whatever you throw at them.  Yes they will!  Because your attitude filled-song screams out your success to them (and if it doesn’t, turn up the volume and beat them into submission until they do what you want).

Do you want to be a loser?  Do you?  No! Of course not!  YOU want to be a winner!  You want to be like me.  You want to be great! (by the way, my book is only 9.95)  Nothing says WINNER like a great fuck off theme tune.

I challenge you to take a good hard look at your blog.  What would it’s theme tune be at the moment?  What would you want its theme tune to be in the future?  Now, write like your blog has the theme tune of success!

Bleauch.  I feel just a little bit dirtier now.  Maybe I should get out of this game.

Well, you’ve had a bumper crop of posts from me this week.  Next week sees the end of my Charity challenge.  Anyone who signed on, it will be time to pony up your cash.  I’ll put up my post on it and then I should spend some time on building some links to my sites that actually earn me a few pennies here and there rather than ranting about the state of the pro and semi-pro-blogging industry.

One more thing.  Would be great if you are going to try “fake it till you make it” and try and sell the same crap to people all the time if you learned the difference between “there” and “their”.  Oh, and “a lot” is two damn words not one! grrrrrr!

Categories: Flotsam

What your grandma doesn’t know about internet list building

November 27, 2008 6 comments

(or where I tell you how I like to sign up to free “spam free” ebooks everyone offers to build their list)

Yearg – I forgot to add my aside into my post about having food in my fridge yesterday that turned out to be more about a fable than anything else.  Bad me.  I won’t do it again.

Oh well.  Never ye mind.

So you know how every blog and his dog has a little “sign up to our newsletter” or “give us your email and get a free ebook” type of thing?  They always say “don’t worry, 100% spam free”.  But you just know they will email you with “special offer” after “special offer” jiminy-jam packed with affiliate links.  Well, here’s what your grandma doesn’t know about THE LIST……They are all completely automated.  I bet most so called web-entreupreneurs who are faking it till the make it never even look through their list to see who has signed up.  I bet most of them just leave it on autopilot.  You know what I like to do?  I lke to sign up with strange names.  I like to see if anyone checks and weeds me out.  On blogs I really don’t like, I’ll put in something mildly offensive – just because I can be an asshole sometimes.  On blogs that I feel ambivalent towards, I’ll use something like Detective Van Halen,  or Humpty Dumpty.  Sometimes I like to put my name in as “just another sucker waiting for your marketing crap”, but that gets scuppered now and then when people put a limit on the length of your name.  On blogs I actually like to read, I don’t usually sign up 🙂

Obviously I’m using a spam email addy for all this.  But I check it now and then for fun.  I’m still waiting for the savvy marketer to look through his sign ups, notice me and send a humourous email back signed with an equally crazy name.  See, if that happened, then I would know 2 things:

  1. That dude/lady has a sense of humour
  2. They actually check their list from time to time

The presence of 1 means I might actually like the person and that they might not be full of shit like most make money bloggers trying to build a “money is in the list” list out there.  The presence of 2 means they might actually try to personalise something towards their readers.  You know what though?  I’m still waiting.  So far, nadda, nothing, zip…….If you find me in your list – send me an email.  I ain’t gonna buy your snake oil, but what the heck, maybe you’ll make a friend.  A cynical friend……but hey I’ve been know to give backlinks to my friends 🙂

Now, you know what, I think we need a series of “What your nan doesn’t know about the internet“.

If i have food in my fridge than i am we

November 26, 2008 4 comments

Most bizzarre search phrase to bring me traffic so far:

if i have food in my fridge than i am we

Yep.  I kid you not.

Back in the day, when I was a young pup in my bedroom with a cheesy Samick guitar with genuine Floyd Rose locking trem and a rather shitty purple tie-dye like spray paint job under an inch of laquer and a cheap marshal amp, Joe Satriani was just hitting the guitar scene in a big way.  Well, him and Steve Via.  I never really got into Van Halen.  Though he be the demi-god drummer turned guitarist of two handed tapping, his music was too catchy….too pop for me.  I wanted different. I wanted unique.  I wanted cool.  I devoured every copy of guitar magazine I could get my hands on.  Learned stairway to heaven….which is practically mandatory isn’t it?  Yep, but I distinguished myself by learning from a transcription of a live performance rather than the studio recorded version.  Yeah!  Anyway, if I had been a moment or two later, I would have been into rave I guess.  Timing is everything.

I was reading an article in The Guardian about “greatness”.  Well I think it was about greatness.  Maybe mastery would be a better word.  I suspect the author was more interested in mastery.  The article explores why some people just make it and some don’t.  And by make it, the article largely assumes that amassing large quantities of money and or being famous or well known defines made it. Personally, I think that’s bullshit, money is our socially constructed form of barter, but it doesn’t make one person better than another.  And therein lies a lot of the problem with our society.  The notion that a person who has money is better than a person who doesn’t.  Bring a country…..nay an entire world up to believe this and you should not be surprised to find the kind of shit that we experience in our society.  There is an old fable about a man who used to walk around his village every day with his door on his back.  One day someone asked him – “grandfather, what is that door on your back?”.  The man replies “why, it is my front door”.  Asked again “grandfather, why do you carry your front door on you back all the time?” the old man replies “because every time I leave it at home, someone breaks it down”.

More on the article in the guardian another time.

Categories: Flotsam

Approval ratings are down

November 19, 2008 7 comments

(or where I tell you why your comment did not get approved)

C’mon – really who the hell posts obvious comment spam on such a low volume shitty blog like this? You know who you are, and I’m not approving that shit. Add something useful without trying to blag in a few backlinks to your made for adsense site. I got nothing against trying to earn a crust online. I’ve got a few sites that I’ve set up to try and earn a little from adsense…..but I don’t go round trying to get backlinks like a wanker…….Leave a comment, by all means, but including spurious links inside the comment rather than just getting the more “honest” backlink from the link on your name is just being an asshole.   Heck, I would even have approved it if you put your preffered anchor text as your name and left something vaguely sensible.  Besides anything else, you must know that comments are nofollow by default….

So why? Why do you masquerade with your seemingly appropriate on-topic comment which will only gain you nothing in the long run? Don’t do it. Just don’t do it.

Meh, don’t know why I’m writing this, you probably aren’t a repeat customer anyway.

grrrrr!

Categories: Flotsam

Anchor text is the most important thing

November 17, 2008 9 comments

(or where I tell you how to get more hits for keywords by using it in your anchor text)

It’s no secret that I think organic search results are the way to go for making money online.  The social web is great, and fun, but I don’t think social traffic converts well.  I mean, you guys are reading this right?  Most of you browse here from other blogs that I’ve left a comment on.  How many of you feel like throwing me a little affiliate bone and buying some cool web hosting?  yeah…..none of you?  Hmmm that’s my point entirely.  See now if I ranked really well for the search phrase “where can I buy cool web hosting”, then I bet I would make a lot more money, even if my traffic halved.  Why?  Because people browsing this page would already want to buy something.  They would be looking for a product.  You lot are just looking.  Buncha of tire kickers, the lot of you (but I still love you all, please leave a nice comment….I will bribe you if I have to….what do you want? 🙂 ).

Yeah, so how to get all important organic search traffic?  Backlinks.  That’s the way you get up in the ranks of the old backrub search engine….erm I mean google.  You know, I offered a link to someone a while ago, asked them what anchor text they wanted.  Their reply was “I don’t care what anchor text you use”.  Really?  I mean really?  you don’t care?  You should care!  you should care a lot!!!  What if I link to you with the phrase “cunty the sardine”?  You going be happy with that?  Is that what you want the big G to associate your site with?  Really?  That’s an anchor text you want?  Man, sometimes I wonder…….tell you what, someone offers me a backlink with my choice of anchor text, I thank them profusely and consider carefully what I want to rank for.  That’s what I do.

With that in mind, it’s always interesting to see what organic search phrases you are ranking for.  Take them, analyse them a little and decide which ones you want to rank better for.  I mean, might as well capitalise on traffic right?  So, what have people searched on to get to me?  Well, some phrase are just bizzare.  I mean someone actually found me with the phrase pavlov vodka. lol…..have to chuckle at that one. Another reader hit me from using wealthiest adsense. Wow. That one I wouldn’t mind more of. That one and a few related searches could bring in a tidy profit if handled correctly. How about wordpress theme. Woooooosh……that could bring a rush of traffic. Might not be profitable given the vast expanse of free wordpress themes out there, but still. My favourite so far: the best and worst way to make money online. That’s the money baby! Give me that one. Then I paste up a thin affiliate site with a bunch of reviews of some cool products….give a few “editors picks” and hey presto.  That would really turn this puppy into a cash blog.

Pay attention to you anchor text. If someone offers you a choice…..grab it with both hands!

Write right

November 7, 2008 4 comments

(or my take on article marketing)

Meh, most mmo blogs aren’t really giving stuff away anymore are they?  I mean internet marketers out there are simply turning a profit from rebranding the same old tired shit again and again and again and creating false demand based on fear alone.  It’s getting about as bland as Article marketing isn’t it?  But it does get you some backlinks and it does get you some more exposure.  And even if you get sandboxed, you can still pull in some daily traffic from your articles alone…….like what has happened to my site on Georgina Baillie…..coded, up, running, article submitted, indexed in a flash and sandboxed two days later….. 🙂 lol  meh, someone’s gotta get a little link love from that whole festering arse-up of a publicity stunt.  And it might as well be me.  I’m not in this one for the money, cause I have no idea how to monetise a celeb site, even one that has the added allure of kink in it.  But it will give me another farm blog to play with and link from.  See what I mean?  Why is nobody talking about farm blogs?  Why I ask you?

Anyhoo…..article marketing is a bit of a pain in the arse.  It gets soooooo dull: browse, login, cut, paste, submit, browse, login, cut, paste, submit, browse, login, cut, paste, submit.  You know how it goes, because you’ve done it haven’t you?  Of course you have.  The underbelly of internet marketing practically forces you to use ezinearticles or goarticles or a host of other directories.  And the thing is, they get tons of content.  So much so, that I’m thinking I need my own article directory.  Shit.  Did I just give away an idea.  I mean talk about a bucket load of content for free.  Damn it.  Not since I gave away the best free internet marketing experiment of all time has such an idea been put forth.

Anyhoo, I got bored with submitting articles, so I thought I would take some time off my rabid link building of the past week to do 2 things:

1) Start coding up a wordpress theme.  Always wanted to do this so I thought I would give it a go.  Seems like fun, and it falls into a master plan I have for mid next year.

2) Write an article submitter.  Shit, I don’t want to pay someone else for a glorified browser with a few automated bits.  How hard can it be to code up one of these puppies?  Not very as it happens.  I’m writing a small and very basic submitter in c# at the moment, and I am genuinely surprised at how easy it is.  Maybe when I’m done, I’ll release it 🙂  and charge for it 🙂 or alternatively, just inject links to my sites ever 50th article or so.  Woulth that be immoral? But hey, think about it, you purchase an article submitter to whack out your hand crafted puppy to however many gazzilion article directories.  Do you ever check that the article got submitted properly?  Do you ever validate the links?  Do you ever think that maybe the guys who coded that little beast might inject their own links randomly?  No?  you bunch are very trusting aren’t you?  (As an aside, and at the same time, /* begin slightly shady section */ I looked into Markov chains a bit, but it looked too bloody booooooooooring to code one up so I think I’ll just hack something together from other bits and bobs floating around there.  There must be a Markov chain wordpress plugin somewhere with a cron job to automate the process, but I haven’t bothered to look for it /* end slightly shady section */.  And again I ask, why is nobody talking about farm blogs? hmmm?).

By the time I’m finished writing it, though I expect article marketing will be so passe that no-one will be doing it any more.

oh well.

Make money online for free by rehashing the same thing

November 5, 2008 3 comments

(or where I wonder how many times we can sell the same thing)

2008

1983

Proof that you really don’t need an original idea to make money.  And if its true in the world of entertainment, then I don’t see why it isn’t going to apply to the make money online world.

Let’s be honest, if you want to make money from your blog or website then the formula should go something like:

Niche + Content + Traffic = Money for free!

Yeah, ok that’s slightly simplified, but essentially there isn’t anything more complicated about it than that.  Find yourself a niche – you need something that gets good search volume.  You need a niche that you can monetise by contextual ads, affiliate products or your own products.  You need some content – something that will get the context sensitive ads working (if that’s your route), or some sales copy if you are affiliate marketing or selling your own product.  Then, to make money online for free, you need traffic.  More traffic is better.  But you need specific kinds of traffic as well.  Social traffic is fun.  Watching people comment on your blog is very satisfying, but basically, doesn’t really convert to sales very well.  You need organic search traffic.  You need people looking for a sollution to a problem.  In fact, so important is traffic that you can almost do without content if you get enough traffic.  Of course G would never allow that.  You would get slapped.  Probably.

Not to say that making money online is simple, but the formula for it is fairly simple.  And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.  I can’t tell you the number of products I see in the mmo niche that are selling exactly the same thing.  How to get traffic.  And the answer itself is: Good solid backlinks.  Article marketing?  it’s about backlinks.  Hubpages?  Squidoo?  backlinks!  Comment Kahuna? Backlinks!  Conduit method?  Backlinks!  30 Minute Backlinks?  it is about backlinks!  at least that one is honest enough to tell you.  The industry is a one trick pony.  We re-package and re-sell methods of getting backlinks.  Heck the less scrupulous don’t even do that.  They simple tell you how to set up a blog……”oh install wordpress, write about what you love, comment on someone else’s blog, watch money come in”  Bollocks.  Nothing without backlinks.

So many products just rehash the same thing again and again and again, I’m thinking about writing an e-book myself.  I need a snappy title….. “Absolute Underdog Ultimate Online Wealth Guide“.  That sums it up nicely.  Then I need a long-ass sales page.  With testimonials from a bunch of people you’ve never heard of.  Why the fuck that makes people more inclined to buy, I’ll never know.  But it seems to work.   Then a nice big “buy it now” button.  Price of only Thirty Nine Ninety Five.  Why?  Oh, I don’t know, cause I like the number.  Then, when people start buying, I’ll set up an affiliate program…..Promote my book, sell it for me and keep 30%.  Yeah! (You know the best part of affiliating out your e-book?  that’s right – backlinks!)

The book itself – oh simple – the first 10 pages will be about how great I am.  The next 10 about how blogging is the future.  The next 10 about using social media.  The last 10 will tell you how to build backlinks……5 pages on “the hard way”  and 5 pages on “the easy way”.

I rekon if the Hoosiers can rehash the same old same old, then I can too.

Make money online for free selling the same thing everyone else is doing.